I’ve been reading a blog on the weight watchers site tonight and I came across a comment someone left on this person’s blog. It was in response to this quote the the blogger used (which I think may be a WW quote?)

“Losing weight is hard… but being overweight is harder… choose your hard”

And this is the comment that was left;

“it is hard work .. and its so true .. I’ve been carrying this fat body around for WAY TOO LONG now and that has been even harder …. especially hard when you sit on the side line instead of running and playing with your kids … you have no photos of your self with your children and realise they are growing up and you have no photo memories with me in them … that’s hard !”

This is me. It wasn’t me, but it IS me. That could have been me talking about my life. I am in hardly any photos with my son and he is almost 1 year old! What do I have to show that I was even part of my son’s life this past year? Sweet F all that’s what. It’s not good, it’s far from it actually and it’s damn right sad and terribly terribly upsetting.

With photos such an important way of documenting a child growing up, where in that documentation am I? Hiding behind the camera because I’m too fat to be in front of it that’s where. And it’s not bloody good enough. I want to be like the other mothers that have lots of photos of them with their children.

I want to be someone my son can be proud of, I don’t want him to be embarrassed of his fat mum. I don’t want to be the fat mum, I want to be it and healthy mum who can run around and play soccer with him and his friends all afternoon. I want to be the mum on the field playing soccer myself while my son and husband cheer me on from the sideline.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to look in the mirror everyday and hate what I see, trying to find something that I like about myself. Trying to convince myself that I don’t look that bad. Because I do. I do look bad, I am overweight, obese for my height. I’m only 157cm tall for heaven’s sake, my body isn’t built to carry around this much weight. I need to do something about it and I need to do it soon.

DS is turning 1 in 22 days and I want to be able to look back on the photos of his birthday and know that I was on my way to becoming a mum he can be proud of.

This is it, this is my motivation. My son. This is who I am doing it for. To be fit and healthy, to be a good example for him and to ensure that I am around for as long as I can be.

Climb the Mountain

I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.
I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow’s attempt.
I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.
I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.
I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it’s majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.
I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.
He stopped me and said, “I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress.”
“I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn’t make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die.”
” The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed, stop! I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now. Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN.”
“I have to be going,” my friend said. “Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?”
I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, “I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB.”

Author unknown