For a long time I’ve ridiculed the whole BMI thing but it’s time for me to get real. This is what doctors use to “classify” you isn’t it so to the medical profession I am obese. Seriously, I hate that word but the medical implications are pretty serious and scary.

The higher your BMI, the higher your risk for certain diseases such as heart disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, gallstones, breathing problems, and certain cancers. My mother’s side of the family has a history of high blood pressure which I think means I am at risk of that too which my current weight definately doesn’t help. I need to get this sorted!

I am 157cm short (well, I can’t really say “tall” can I LOL) and currently weigh  88.6kgs (as of last week) this makes my BMI 35.9 and way into the obese category. To get into the normal weight category for my height I need to weigh a minimum of 61.4kg which means I need to lose *deep breath* 27.2kg. Yep, a crap load and that’s to sit at the higher end of the normal weight scale too!

So with losing a healthy and sustainable amount per week of .5 – 1kg this weight loss mission should take me 6 months to a year. There is just over 6 months until Christmas but I’m going to make February 27th 2012 my target date to lose the weight. That is the date of our 3rd wedding anniversary and gives me about 41 weeks to achieve it. This gives me room for good weeks and bad weeks, not that I want to have that many bad weeks but I have to be realistic. So 41 weeks / 27.2 kgs = 0.66 kgs a week. That seems realistic doesn’t it?

I’m working on a motivational tool to help me stay focused which I will share with you soon. My reward, apart from a healthier lifestyle and body, will be a pair of sexy knee high boots just in time for autumn. I can’t wait!!!

I feel like yelling at the moment. Bear with me while I get this off my chest.

I am completely stumped as to why employers don’t value loyalty anymore. DH went into work this morning to update them on what was happening with his ankle and after a lot of huffing and sighing his boss mentioned things that basically sounded like if DH can’t go back to work they’ll have to let him go!!!! He mentioned about another employee that had a shoulder injury and operation and if he wasn’t better after “x” amount of time that they would have had to “dismiss” him (the other employee). Threatening much?!?!?!

He also implyed that it was self-inflicted…umm hello DH was participating in a sport, you know, healthy living and all that! It’s not like he asked to land on his ankle funny and do serious damage. I mean come on! Would he rather his employees sit around and not do any exercise?

So rather than being supportive of his employee the guy just adds more stress to the situation by using scare tactics. If he knew his employee he would know that DH wanted to get back to work ASAP.

Oh, that’s another thing he brought up the amount of time DH has had off “recently” and do you know what his recently is? It included things like the annual leave days DH took off in 2009 for our honeymoon to Europe, then the days that DH took off later in 2009 when his mum was in and out of hospital after her cancer diagnosis and the operations she had to have – I think from memory some of those days were annual leave as well others were without pay so he may have some grounds there although it would show a lack of compassion. That’s all besides the fact that it was 2 years ago!!!! Then the next days mentioned were when DS was born again annual leave and then there have been the odd day or 2 off when DH has been sick or most recently injured with his other ankle. So I don’t actually know what legal grounds they have to be complaining about time off when the majority of it has been annual leave.

All of the above mentioned have been genuine reasons for time off not that you have to justify what you do on your annual leave anyway surely!  In comparison to other employees who are off constantly for what I’m sure are hangovers or they just don’t show up or they have a hint of a sniffle. Why are you picking on a hard working employee for goodness sake!!!!!

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh. Okay I’m getting all worked up again. Thanks for letting me vent

Ta ta for now

C xx

When you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill

I wouldn’t describe my life at the moment as hell exactly but I’m feeling the strain. With hubby off work injured and not really able to help with DS a whole lot has fallen onto my shoulders. Being a SAHM my days were all about DS anyway but I got my breaks and down time when he went down for his naps. With DH at home however I don’t get that break because I need to do stuff for him when I would usually be enjoying some peace and quiet plus we’ve been running from appointment to appointment to try and find out what he’s actually done to himself.

Add in the stress about money not coming in from the primary breadwinner and a flatmate (my sister) who does bugger all around the house and the end result is where I am at the moment; standing on the edge trying not to fall over.

I managed to fit a walk into today’s busy schedule, while DH was at the sports physician I headed down the road to the Botanic Gardens and managed to fit in a quick walk around with DS in the buggy. I also had some incidental exercise in the form of the grocery shopping and walking around the corner to work this afternoon and then of course home again once I had finished.

Eating wise; Breakfast was poached egg on a piece of toast. Lunch was a Satay Chicken filled roll from the bakery (not the best choice but all they had left) and 1/2 an apple doughnut (not so good). Dinner – 2 x Mince Burritos with lettuce, cheese & carrot with a smallish piece of chocolate (DS’s Easter egg which I’m slowly finishing).

I’m feeling alright with what I’ve eaten today, I could have ended up picking at a lot more like I sometimes have the tendancy to do but do to being so busy today I didn’t have the oppurtunity thank goodness.

Right well that’s enough from me for tonight, I’m off to read a bit more some weight loss blogs on the WW site and then off to bed.

Catch you later

Current weight 88.6kg. Fail. Big time  *sigh*

Gain of 900g in 2 weeks…and still I’m going backwards!

I do know why though, no exercise, all the chocolate over easter. All I can hope for is a loss this time next week.

I’m working on improving my eating particularly snacking and picking at DS’s leftovers, I have improved my water intake to 1.25L a day so lets hope it works! Increasing aka actually doing exercise will help a lot I’m sure.

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently"
- Henry Ford

It’s only something little but I’ve realised I need to pat myself on the back in cases like this so this is me doing just that.

Hubby says to me a little while ago (while lying on the couch with his injured foot elevated) ” I think it could be nice for us to have some cake and ice-cream now” and what do I say? ” Yep okay I can get you some cake and ice-cream” and so I did just that…just got him a bowl of cake and ice-cream and limited myself to a tiny piece of cake and about a teaspoon of ice-cream as I was dishing his up. I was actually able to leave it at just that! yay for me!

I didn’t give in like I usually do and have some because he was, nor did I succumb to the “it will be better once it’s gone so I might as well have some” thought. I’ve done that so often in the past after DH has done something like buy ice-cream as a treat, I start thinking once the ice-cream is finished then I’ll start again….and I never do, it just becomes a never-ending downward spiral.

While today hasn’t been the best eating wise I did limit myself a lot better than I have other days. I’ll get there eventually, baby steps…baby steps.

I have also been good with my water intake. Both yesterday and today I have managed to finish a 1.25L  bottle of water which is a huge achievement for me.

I am going to weigh in tomorrow morning and I have no expectations but hopefully, hopefully I won’t have too much of a gain if it is a gain. Either way I have to stay strong and keep in mind why I’m doing this..this is for myself so I am the best version of me I can be. This is for me and it is for my son.

I’ll let you know how I get on with weigh in tomorrow evening.

Ta ta for now

P.S Hi Rachel!! Thanks for commenting Good luck with the Dukan Diet I’ll be reading with interest and cheering you on

I’ve been reading a blog on the weight watchers site tonight and I came across a comment someone left on this person’s blog. It was in response to this quote the the blogger used (which I think may be a WW quote?)

“Losing weight is hard… but being overweight is harder… choose your hard”

And this is the comment that was left;

“it is hard work .. and its so true .. I’ve been carrying this fat body around for WAY TOO LONG now and that has been even harder …. especially hard when you sit on the side line instead of running and playing with your kids … you have no photos of your self with your children and realise they are growing up and you have no photo memories with me in them … that’s hard !”

This is me. It wasn’t me, but it IS me. That could have been me talking about my life. I am in hardly any photos with my son and he is almost 1 year old! What do I have to show that I was even part of my son’s life this past year? Sweet F all that’s what. It’s not good, it’s far from it actually and it’s damn right sad and terribly terribly upsetting.

With photos such an important way of documenting a child growing up, where in that documentation am I? Hiding behind the camera because I’m too fat to be in front of it that’s where. And it’s not bloody good enough. I want to be like the other mothers that have lots of photos of them with their children.

I want to be someone my son can be proud of, I don’t want him to be embarrassed of his fat mum. I don’t want to be the fat mum, I want to be it and healthy mum who can run around and play soccer with him and his friends all afternoon. I want to be the mum on the field playing soccer myself while my son and husband cheer me on from the sideline.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I don’t want to look in the mirror everyday and hate what I see, trying to find something that I like about myself. Trying to convince myself that I don’t look that bad. Because I do. I do look bad, I am overweight, obese for my height. I’m only 157cm tall for heaven’s sake, my body isn’t built to carry around this much weight. I need to do something about it and I need to do it soon.

DS is turning 1 in 22 days and I want to be able to look back on the photos of his birthday and know that I was on my way to becoming a mum he can be proud of.

This is it, this is my motivation. My son. This is who I am doing it for. To be fit and healthy, to be a good example for him and to ensure that I am around for as long as I can be.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into 4 pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of those pieces – Judith Viorst

There is a packet of shapes hidden behind my bedside table. It was bought as part of a by 2 for $5 deal and it’s partner was hoovered down in an afternoon a couple of weeks ago..by me.I guess the fact they are still sitting there is a good thing right?

I’m going to leave them hidden there, not only are they hidden from DH so he doesn’t know I’ve been pigging out but they are also out of my line of sight, therefore out of sight and out of mind. They will stay there until DS’s birthday party and then can appear as part of the party food shopping.

I sometimes wonder if hiding food like I do is a type of eating disorder. I’ve read that people who suffer from anorexia hide food so they don’t have to eat it and for those with bulimia they apparently hide it to eat later…that’s what I’m doing isn’t it? Does that mean that I might be bulimic? That’s quite a scary thought!

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” August Wilson

I need to find the strength to continue this journey without falling back into these bad habits like buying crackers or chocolate when I go to the supermarket for something else, eating some (or all) of said food and then hiding the rest or the wrappers so no-one knows. I need to find the strength to stop myself from picking at leftovers or having more than one serving of dinner if it’s something I love.Somehow, from somewhere, I need to find strength.

I need that strength, that self control if I am going to win this battle.

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough – Og Mandino

There is ice-cream in the freezer and it is calling my name. I’m trying with all my will power to resist getting up and serving myself up some ice-cream.

Distraction is supposed to work right? I’ve been reading my inspirational quotes and other weight loss blogs and it’s working…so far. Can I make it to the end of Off the Map without giving in. I hope so.

Life is a bit stressful at the moment which isn’t helping matters but I know stress can’t be an excuse to eat badly.  Why are things not great at the moment…

1. DH is on crutches thanks to a sporting injury from the weekend and can’t do much let alone help out with DS
2. I’m waiting to hear back from my boss about returning to work but in a part-time capacity. I’m thinking the outcome won’t be what I want it to be which means I’m left with the option of resigning or going back to work full-time.

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it – Margaret Thatcher

I’m going to continuing fighting this battle, to lose this weight that is holding me back rom living my life to the fullest, and I’m going to win it. There will be some a lot of tough times but I am determined to achieve this no matter how long it takes.

I’m watching the royal wedding…are you?

Kate looks absolutely stunning! Every inch a princess even though it seems that officially she won’t be known as Princess Catherine.

Congratulations to the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge.

In other, less exciting news I gave myself a pass from weighing in this morning due to..ahem..lady reasons wink wink. Why make myself feel even worse when I know I always weigh more.

So that’s it from me for today, I’m going back to watching the wedding coverage

I will start by saying things haven’t been helped by this long weekend that has been Easter..not at all!

How was your Easter weekend? What did you do?

We did a garden overhaul on Good Friday and Easter Sunday, Saturday we went to brunch in the city at Shaky Isles, Sunday night we went to Miranda Hot Pools, which after gardening that morning was heaven on tired muscles – I slept well last night! Today the plan was to go to Franklin Zoo but the weather was just too crappy so we’ve had a lovely lazy day, only interrupted by a necessary trip to the supermarket.

Weigh in on Good Friday put me up 100 grams. So in the last 2 weeks I have put on 300 grams, I going in the opposite direction for Pete’s sake! I know it’s all my own doing, there is no-one else to blame.

I did some skipping last week – didn’t even last 5 minutes! That’s something I’m going to work on increasing. Do 5 mins, 10, 15 etc. It was a good workout but definitely highlighted how unfit I am that’s for sure.

I should have worn my pedometer when we were walking around the city on Saturday we were there from about 9 until just before 2 and a fair chunk of that time was walking and looking around. There was also a lot of gardening happening on Good Friday and yesterday so surely that killed some calories too.

Of course none of it will count seeing as I’ve eaten so much chocolate.

Getting back on the wagon again tomorrow…promise!